Parenting Tools - Helping Children V.I.E.W. Their Anger

"Helping Children V.I.E.W. Their Anger"
by Ron Huxley

Chronically angry children often have trouble
gaining insight into their aggression. This can
be due to immaturity or stubborn
defensiveness. One way for parents and
teachers to help angry children understand
and cope with their anger is to use the
acronym V.I.E.W.

V stands for “validate.” Whatever the reasons
for a child’s anger, validate the right to feel
what they feel without condoning any
inappropriate behavior. Anger is a natural
emotion. A child who must squash angry
feelings will only find them to rise up even
stronger next time.

I stands for “investigate.” Anger is rarely a
solitary emotion. Sadness, grief, hurt, or fear
are often silent lurkers behind anger.
Ineffective efforts to quench anger may be due
to the fact that other emotions are fueling its
fire. Ask questions about what led up to the
child’s anger and investigate anger’s
accomplices. Label them for what they are
without judgement.

E stands for “expression.” If anger is a natural
emotion and other feelings can accompany it,
then encourage a child to express all of their
emotions clearly and without hurting self or
others. Allow the child to voice their sadness.
Let fear be released into conversation.
Redirect children to negotiate instead of
fighting. Model how this is done.

W stands for “working.” Chronic anger
doesn't always go away quickly. Be patient and
continue working the other steps in this
acronym. Utilize various resources in the
community to assist your child’s anger
management. If one approach doesn’t work, try
another one but keep working at it faithfully.
And most importantly, practice what you
preach!

Click here to learn about Ron
Huxley's Parenting Toolbox
and how to obtain more of his
expert advice on parenting, anger
management, and other mental
health issues.