Parenting Tools - Where Do You Start?

Where Do You Start?
by Ron Huxley

Does your child have so many problems that you don’t
know where to start? Are you so frustrated that you can’t
see or think straight? Do you feel helpless about how to
make changes in your relationship with your child? Perhaps
the first place to start is with a few measurements.

When behaviorists study people’s behavior, they start with
a baseline. A baseline is a tool that is used to measure the
frequency and duration of someone’s specific behavior. A
baseline can be used to measure the frequency and
duration of both desirable and undesirable behavior. This
dual measurement can tell parents what they want to
increase and what they want to decrease, all without a lot of
screaming, hair pulling, or medication!

The first step in determining a baseline is to measure a
child’s behavior when no intervention or tool is being used
with the child. This way parents can get an accurate
estimation of the child's behavior. Baselines will allow a
parent to measure the effectiveness of a particular
parenting tool they are using. If a parent discovers that a
tool is not getting the desirable results (i.e., the misbehavior
continues at the same level as before or is much worse),
then the parent knows to abandon this approach and try
another. Parents then find a different tool to use that gets
them better results. Sounds easy, huh! Actually it isn’t. But
with a little practice parents can use baselines to objectively
and rationally approach a behavior problem and change it.

The next step is to gather a few basic materials: a piece of
graph paper, pencil, and daily calendar. Write across the
top of the graph paper the behavior you wish to increase or
decrease. For example, you might write: “I want to increase
the number of times that Tommy takes his bath on time” or
“I want to decrease the number of times that Mary hits her
little brother.” Picking the behavior may not be as easy at it
sounds. You must pick one behavior to focus on and not
get confused with other problems at home. Be very specific
about what you want to increase or decrease. Don’t write: “I
want Tommy to behave.” That is too general and vague.
You will never achieve that anyway, so why frustrate you
and Tommy. Pick a behavior that is particularly troublesome
and/or dangerous to start.

To get a baseline, simply count how many times a day that
particular behavior is occurring for one week. Average it on
a per day basis by taking your weekly total and divide it by
seven (days of the week). That will be your baseline. Let’s
say that you want Tommy to take his bath, on time, every
day. At this time, Tommy only takes his bath, one time,
once per week. One is your baseline. Anything you use to
increase this frequency will be considered effective.
Anything that does not or reduces it to zero, is not effective.

After you have picked the behavior, use the bottom of the
paper to list the days of the week from the calendar
(Sunday, Monday… Saturday). Along the left side of the
paper you will write a range of numbers, starting from the
bottom and going up. The range could be from zero to ten,
if the behavior you are targeting is a low frequency problem
or zero to hundred, if it is a high frequency problem. I would
suggest sticking with a low frequency problem. It will make
the process simpler and easier to monitor.

Now comes the fun part: picking the tool. What will you use
to increase or decrease your child’s behavior? You could
do what you have always done, like Time-Out or Removing
Privileges. Or you could read up on a couple of books, ask
a wise friend or teacher, or search the Internet, looking for
various interventions to try. Regardless of where you go for
your tools, choose only one. Use the tool of choice for a
period of one week and faithfully measure how many times
a day that behavior occurs with the application of the tool.
Be sure that all caregivers (moms, dads, relatives, day care
staff, etc.) use the same tool or you will not get a good
measurement. In fact, if dad is doing one thing and mom
another, you could be sabotaging each other’s efforts. Get
everyone on the bandwagon and cooperating.

Chart the number of times the behavior occurs (its
frequency per day) and the time that it occurred. In order to
see if change has occurred, parents must check to see if
there is any difference between the baseline number,
before any intervention was made, and the number of
occurrences after an intervention is made. This final
number should come close to your target number. Let’s
take another look at Tommy and his bath time. Mom and
dad decided to take away Tommy’s television privileges if
he did not get in the bath on time each day. They did this
by simply stating the consequence ten minutes before bath
time to give him time to prepare. If Tommy did not get in the
bath on time (they gave him a five minute window of
opportunity either way) they stated that there would be no
television privileges the next morning and stuck to their
decision. After a couple of days, Tommy realized that mom
and dad were serious about this bath time business and
decided to cooperate. He was able to get in the bath, on
time, three times in one week, as a result of mom and dad’s
new interventions. This was a definite increase from the
baseline and considered successful by everyone.

Don't worry if the change doesn't occur immediately.
Children test their parents to see if they will be consistent
with these new interventions or if parents are going to fall
back to old, inconsistent ways of disciplining. One to two
weeks may be needed to witness any real results. If the
behavior is still not changing after that period of time, find a
new tool. It is also important that you be consistent.
Inconsistency will reward the behavior in the wrong direction.

What if one parent is willing to cooperate but the other is
not? This makes our task harder but not impossible. Simply
measure during a time that you are able to control, say,
during the daytime when dad is at work. Obviously, you
must pick a target behavior that occurs during that time
period and find a tool that you can administer alone.
Children will adapt to the different parenting styles of their
parents, even if they are exact opposites.

Reward all positive, behavioral changes. This will help to
maintain the behavior over a long period of time. Don’t
resort to bribes, such as sweets, money, or toys. This will
backfire on you. Use social praise, like: “Great job” or “I
really appreciated how you did that.” This is usually
sufficient for children. Any negative behavior should be
ignored, as much as possible.

How long should you use the baseline tool? Use the tool for
as long as you need. Once you are getting positive results
from your new tool, you can go on to targeting a new
behavior or put the chart away until it is needed again.
Behavior tools, like the baseline, have some limitations.
Very smart children see your strategy and try to go around
it or do as they are asked, during the specific time it is
asked, and then immediately misbehave right after. For
example, Tommy may get into the bath on time so that he
can watch his favorite television programs, but right after
the bath, he may become rude and obnoxious to his little
sister. This is a weakness in the tool, not you. Ignore the
weakness for now. All you are concerned with is increasing
getting into the bath on time. Later you will address, with
the baseline tool, the rude behavior.

The value of this parenting tool is in its ability to get a
baseline measure of a child's behavior and to test the
validity of the parenting tools you are using. It allows you to
cope with feelings of frustration and target behavior
objectively and without negative attention to the child. This
allows the parent and the child to concentrate on more
enjoyable activities together.

Click here to learn about Ron Huxley's
Parenting Toolbox and how to obtain
more of his expert advice on parenting,
anger management, and other mental
health issues.

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