Anger isn't always bad - 5 ways that anger is GOOD!
by Ron Huxley
Experience with anger may leave you with the idea that all
anger is bad. Yelling at your children for cooperation doesn't
leave you feeling very positively. Watching your children fight
when they are angry doesn't give you any warm feelings
either. But, anger does have it's purpose in our lives and can
teach us a thing or two about how to have healthier, happier
relationships.

Here are five ways that anger can be a good thing:

1.
Anger protects. When your child is in danger your mind
will automatically kick into a “
fight or flight” reaction that can
result in anger. You don't have time to stop and ponder a
course of action when your child is in the middle of the street!
Anger short cuts our thinking brain to allow us to act quickly.
This is nature's way of protecting your family from harm.

2.
Anger signals. The purpose of anger is to destroy
problems in our lives, not our relationships. When something
needs to dramatically change, anger not only lets you know
but it gives you the power to do something about it. For
example, if your child's doctor won't listen to your concerns,
getting angry can stir things up and get a problem diagnosed
and solved.

3.
Anger rules. Your child left his toys all over the house
again! Tired of yelling at your child to get his cooperation.
That only reinforces the annoying behavior. Your anger may
be telling you that expectations are too high, the rule is not
clear enough, or that you are not following through on
consequences consistently. Use the energy of your anger to
communicate the rule (again) and then follow it up with
consistent, age appropriate discipline.

4.
Anger talks. What we say to ourselves affects our
emotional state. If we tell ourselves we are bad parents then
we may act like bad parents. If we tell ourselves we are doing
the best we can under stressful circumstances we will react
with less hostility and frustration. Practice listening to that little
"anger voice" and challenge some of the misperceptions you
hold of yourself and your child. Ask some honest friends to
help you be objective in your inner inventory. If what you are
saying to yourself is true, use this information to make
changes in your parent/child relationship.

5.
Anger teaches. Our anger management styles are
learned from our own parents. If Mom was a yeller, we may
follow her example, even if we vowed never to yell at our kids.
Fortunately, if you learned one anger expression style you
can learn another. Separate the idea that feeling anger is
bad. That is natural and unavoidable but what you do with
those hot emotions is completely under your control -- with
some practice. Allow yourself permission to find new ways to
cope with daily parenting hassles by taking a class or reading
a book on anger management.


Additional Links
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Cost of Anger
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