Eight Simple Anger Management Tips

Eight Simple Anger Management Tips
By David Leonhardt

"The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table
had an argument going."

One of the biggest obstacles to personal and career success
is anger. When we fail to control our anger, we suffer several
blows:

Anger impedes our ability to be happy, because anger
and happiness are incompatible.
Anger sends marriages and other family relationships
off-course.
Anger reduces our social skills, compromising other
relationships, too.
Anger means lost business, because it destroys
relationships.
Anger also means losing business that you could have
won in a more gracious mood.
Anger leads to increased stress (ironic, since stress
often increases anger).
We make mistakes when we are angry, because anger
makes it harder to process information.

People are beginning to wake up to the dangers of anger and
the need for anger management skills and strategies. Many
people find anger easy to control. Yes, they do get angry.
Everybody does. But some people find anger easier to
manage than others. More people need to develop anger
management skills.

Develop your anger management skills

For those who have a tough time controlling their anger, an
anger management plan might help. Think of this as your
emotional control class, and try these self-help anger
management tips:

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #1
Ask yourself this question: "Will the object of my anger matter
ten years from now?" Chances are, you will see things from a
calmer perspective.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #2
Ask yourself: "What is the worst consequence of the object of
my anger?" If someone cut in front of you at the book store
check-out, you will probably find that three minutes is not such
a big deal.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #3
Imagine yourself doing the same thing. Come on, admit that
you sometimes cut in front of another driver, too ... sometimes
by accident. Do you get angry at yourself?

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #4
Ask yourself this question: "Did that person do this to me on
purpose?" In many cases, you will see that they were just
careless or in a rush, and really did not mean you any harm.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #5
Try counting to ten before saying anything. This may not
address the anger directly, but it can minimize the damage
you will do while angry.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #6
Try some "new and improved" variations of counting to ten.
For instance, try counting to ten with a deep slow breathe in
between each number. Deep breathing -- from your
diaphragm -- helps people relax.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #7
Or try pacing your numbers as you count. The old "one-
steamboat-two-steamboat, etc." trick seems kind of lame to
me. Steamboats are not the best devices to reduce your
steam. How about "One-chocolate-ice-cream-two-chocolate-
ice-cream", or use something else that you find either
pleasant or humorous.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #8
Visualize a relaxing experience. Close your eyes, and travel
there in your mind. Make it your stress-free oasis.

One thing I do not recommend is "venting" your anger. Sure,
a couple swift blows to your pillow might make you feel better
(better, at least, than the same blows to the door!), but
research shows that "venting" anger only increases it. In fact,
speaking or acting with any emotion simply rehearses,
practices and builds that emotion.

If these tips do not help and you still feel you lack sufficient
anger management skills, you might need some professional
help, either in the form of a therapist specializing in anger
management or a coach with a strong background in
psychology.

About The Author
Read more Personal Growth Articles by David Leonhardt
or sign up for A Daily Dose of Happiness
or visit his Happiness Home Page

Anger Management Groups
led by Dr. Lyle Becourtney, licensed psychologist