Getting divorced or separated. Not sure how to tell your kids? Learn the most common mistakes parents make when having the "divorce talk" so you can spare your children from unnecessary emotional trauma.
Getting psyched up to tell your children about your pending divorce -- or separation? Not sure what to say? When to say it? How to say it? What to expect after the conversation? What to do next? How do
deal with your special circumstances? What therapists, mediators, attorneys, clergy and other professionals suggest you do and don't do to make things better all around? Well, you're not alone.
Having the "divorce talk" with a child you love is one of the toughest conversations you'll ever have. Shouldn't you be prepared?
Professionals all agree on some of the most common mistakes parents make when bringing up divorce or separation. These include:
* asking children to bear the weight of making decisions or choosing sides
* failing to remind children that none of this is in any way their fault
* forgetting to emphasize that Mom and Dad will still always be their Mom and Dad -- even after divorce!
* confiding adult details to children in order to attract their allegiance or sympathy
* neglecting to repeatedly remind children that they are safe, innocent and very much loved
* failing to explain clearly that everything is going to be okay!
These are just some of the most common messages that parents fail to convey because they're just not prepared -- and most probably quite scared!
If you're about to tackle this tough conversation -- or you know someone who is - there's help you can depend on to simplify the process. Don't wing it unprepared. You wouldn't go on vacation or plan a party without advanced preparation. Why tackle one of the most important and emotionally charged talks you'll ever have with your children without giving it just as much - if not more - thought and attention?
If you're not sure what to say and how to say it in age-appropriate language, there are many resources available to help you. Therapists and mediators provide excellent personal guidance. Collaborative divorce attorneys (those who specialize in creating non-adversarial divorce solutions) can be of great assistance at this time. So can clergy, school Guidance Counselors
and parenting experts. There are many articles and books written on the subject as well.
However you approach this challenging conversation, be prepared. Understand the effects - both emotionally and psychologically - this news can have on your children, and learn how to avoid the common mistakes parents can make when they haven't done their homework in advance. You and your children can survive -- and even thrive after divorce. Think before you leap and give your family a sound foundation on which to face the changes ahead with security, compassion
About The Author
© Rosalind Sedacca 2008. All rights reserved.