Testimonial from Client with Failing Marriage

Testimonial from Client with Failing Marriage
Dr. B,

I joined the group because my marriage of 25+ years was coming to an end.  Not because of infidelity or physical abuse, but a large part of it was anger and not knowing how much it affected my relationship with my wife, children and outsiders.  I have provided  a comfortable home and been a better than average provider to my wife and children, however, not knowing how to deal with daily stress has brought me to the largest stressor that I have ever faced.

The group sessions have been great, hearing that many others have the same issue....how to control one's anger. Stress turns into conflict and finally anger.  Anger is not always bad, but learning how to deal with it positively is part of the solution. The real key is realizing that the only person that you can control in any situation is you, and once anger is shown negatively, you can't undo it.

I thought I understood that concept, but many times withdrew myself from family functions, to show "my control."  That was wrong as the conversations in group have helped me realize.  I did not understand that these reactions had far more damaging consequences.

I recognize now that we all have anger and hearing from other group members how to deal with it in a positive manner is the key.

I now try and place myself in another’s place and try to figure out how my actions are affecting them.

I don't need to get the last word or action in.  I realize that you can't "unring the bell."  Once you say something or do something it can't be undone.

I've realized that maybe my expectations were just mine and now understand that sometimes they have to be changed depending on time and circumstance.

I would always react without thinking.  The best thing in many situations is to just realize the best response is sometimes to let time take its course.

The key to overcoming anger is being able to forgive.  We say things, we do things, both verbally and nonverbally and we sometimes don't realize that the perception of another is their reality.  We can't walk in another person’s footsteps and truly don’t understand what makes that person do or say.  Being able to forgive another is the greatest gift we can give another person. Don't forget, but don't let the past constantly eat at you.  It destroys everything.  It becomes a greater stress in your life and eventually becomes anger and then rage.

I feel that I have been fortunate in that my group is small and my only "complaint" is that sometimes an hour is not enough time to really develop and talk about what needs to be discussed.

WP


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